I’m back on the pain of my life. It’s the Thumbo pain and like Dumbo’s ears, it is a pain that is so big it has my body and my soul in it’s torturous grip. This is the same pain in the thumb bones I desperately tried to squelch by using capsaicin. Capsaicin is a salve containing hot chili pepper extract that burned parts of me unmercifully. Read all about it in Geezergrit – Dubious Health Tip #1 – Fighting Back! Fighting Arthritis!.
Health Tip #1 was written to be humorous (I think) but this new (#4) health tip is actually serious. It might even work for some folks. I’m convinced it would work for me if I would stick to the program at least two or three times a week. Unfortunately, it involves a ritual and I hate rituals. Free spirits like us should not be bound by rituals.
This one health tip that might actually work for some people is partly an old folk remedy. It’s Castor Oil. I know it’s weird but I believe it would work if I were not too lazy to use it two or three times a week. My unorthodox strategy is to rub the Caster Oil into the backs of my thumbs until most of the oily part has worked its way into the skin. That is as far as the old folk remedy goes.
Then I put on rubber gloves that you use for cleaning. This is not part of the old folk remedy. I’ve got some gloves called home helpers. I also use some from Mr. Clean called loving hands. They are yellow and have the long cuffs. This is important (long cuffs) because you want to be sure the oil on your hands stays inside the gloves. You will live longer this way. If your little woman is a neat freak your hands will never get better. When you leave a lot of oil smudges around the house she’ll rap your aching knuckles with an old broom stick. She’ll hit you so hard you’ll think you’re back in Miss Henderson’s third grade classroom.
This is the third step I take. I have a pair of (get this) mittens that are made just like a heating pad. You plug in one wire but you have a mitten for each hand. You can keep warming one hand while you work the remote control with the other. The yellow gloves keep the oil off everything. You can’t imagine how wonderful your hands will feel with those heated mittens on them. I use the lowest temperature setting and the great thing about this method is you can turn off the heated mittens, slip your gloved hands out and go to the bathroom or wherever you like and then return to the healing warmth of the mittens. You can use your fingers once you slip off the mittens and the Caster Oil will stay inside the gloves.
The mittens are manufactured by jilbere de Paris and something makes me think they are for girls and women but I don’t care. They make me one happy boy. When I have those warm gloves on, I feel like I can survive a few more days without that constant infernal pain clawing at my hands.
They also manufacture gloves that have no fingers for arthritic sufferers. They are supposed to be energizing and therapeutic support gloves but I don’t think they work for me. I have a pair of them and when you put this kind of glove on it leaves your fingers naked. My fingers tend to be basically shy. If someone comes to the door and I have to go see who has arrived, I notice immediately that the visitor’s eyes go directly to my hands with the fingerless gloves. I can’t begin to tell you how embarrassed my fingers become. They turn a bright red. I just can’t wear something that indecent!
They say magnets stop pain. I am going to begin studying magnets and their effects on the pain we get from arthritis. Geezer Grit will report our findings in a future blog. I know a number of people who have used magnets and they swear they work but I am a bit skeptical. You can carry anything too far and simply overdo it.
My friend Bubba Jack Johnson’s mother lived alone. She had gone all-out and become a magnate fanatic.She used the magnetic cure for everything that ailed her. She had a magnetic bed and magnetic pillow covers. She bought a case of different sized magnetic bandages that she used every time she got a little twinge in a joint.
The last straw occurred when Bubba Jack, after not hearing from his Mama for two days, went to her house and found her stuck to the refrigerator.
After he managed to pry her off the fridge, he threw all her magnets away.