Did you know the first reality show on TV was Alan Funt’s “Candid Camera” that first ran in 1948? Did you know, that now, there are so many reality shows, they can’t be counted. One of my sources replied to the question, “How many reality shows are there” with the answer, “Too damned many to count.” Another source listed 6,876. They count all the shows like “American Idol” and “Dancing With the Stars” and each year’s new production is added to the list as a separate reality show.
82 percent of viewers say reality shows are totally made up, mostly distorted and they are wearing out their welcome. Apparently the genre is falling apart and it is doomed, so soak it all in before it evaporates.
Different web sources will give you differing ranks of reality shows but I have listed a few here that I got from this website: WWW.imdb.com I only talk about the ones that interest me and all my Southern blue-blooded redneck friends that have commented on the ones they seem to find interesting. Some of the rankings are intriguing in that they show you just how dumbed down we have become.
Some shows that are in trouble and in the courts being sued include “Whale Wars,” (I’m not sure of the ranking), #15, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” #17, “Storage Wars,” #54, “Amish Mafia,” and HGTV’s “House Hunters,” (not sure of rank).
“Whale Wars” is being sued for five million dollars for sinking a man’s ship. The ship owner says the show misrepresented the state and condition of his ship and sabotaged it to encourage viewers to donate to The Sea Shepherds which is an anti-whaling group. “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” has recently been accused of faking scenes. A picture said to be taken of Kris and Kim in Dubai in October was actually taken in an LA studio in December. The gals had the same outfits on or were seen with the same outfits both times.
#17, “Storage Wars,” is being sued by cast member, Dave Hester (Yuup, it’s the Yuup guy) for either 750K or millions of dollars depending which news story you read. Hester says the show persists in, “illegal activity and deceiving the public.” He says the show paid for plastic surgery of a cast member to hype up the sex appeal of the show. We are pretty sure plastic surgery money was not spent on Darrell Sheets or Barry Weiss. I like “Storage Wars” and the characters but if you watch this show and you think the events are real, you have a serious reality gap right in the middle of your empty head. Valuables are secreted in the storage rooms by the show’s staff. Think about it!!! If someone was so broke they could not pay the storage fee for three months, and by California law the contents could be sold, do you think the cash poor property owners would leave something they could convert into money? At one time “Storage Wars” was A&E’s most watched program, ever.
Lancaster, PA local police say that #54, “Amish Mafia,” does not even exist and if you see a picture of the police rousting out members of the, “Amish Mafia,” there are no police reports of detentions or arrests because they never happened. By the same token, HGTV’s, “House Hunters” are actually showing houses that are not for sale.
You might enjoy seeing the rankings listed below if you watch any of the reality shows.
#1 is either “Sunday Night Football” or “King of the Nerds.” It’s your choice and since the football season has fallen off the edge of the earth it must be “King of the Nerds.” I’ve never heard of “King of the Nerds,” and that’s probably a healthy thing for my last three surviving brain cells.
#2 is “American Idol” (Wednesday nights) and when they make their choice of which singer stays and which one goes (Thursday nights), the second night show will rank between #4 and #6.
#4 is “Duck Dynasty,” and it is immensely popular with just about every guy and gal I talk to down here in the sunny South. For that reason I would like to save my comments on “Duck Dynasty” for last.
#5: I’ve stuck “The Bachelor,” in here so the girls can get an idea where this show ranks. I don’t know any girls who care but there must a legion of you ladies out there burning up your TV’s on “The Bachelor” because you have shot that ranking through the roof.
#6 is one of my favorites. It’s called “Pawn Stars.” I like to see the strange items and antiques brought in to the pawn shop. I also enjoy “Antiques Roadshow” for the same reason. I love history and I love antiques. I enjoy the main man, Rick Harrison because he has no problem laughing at his own remarks. He amuses himself and I tend to do the same stupid thing. This is the show’s sixth year and it will be lucky to make a seventh year because the show is beginning to turn from unlikely to unbelievable.
Some other shows I know you are dying to hear about include:
#13 “Honey Boo Boo.” This reminds me of the days certain books were banned and it makes me think, “What’s wrong with censorship?”
#23-“Gold Rush, Alaska.” This is pretty interesting except commercials eat up 30% of the time you can actually see a show. That means you spend only about 40 to 45 minutes watching these guys and if they spent about 25 to 30 minutes trying to repair their old worn out mining equipment, you get very little quality gold-finding action. Something is broken or tears all to hell on every show.
“Teen Mom #2″ is ranked #29 but if you are wondering why in the world we had to have a ‘Teen Mom #2” you are right on the “real’ reality track and there may be help for you in the “Real” world. Our teen mom #2 is apparently such a fruitcake the staff and producers cannot control this gal and there will be no new season. I know this breaks many hearts but you will just have to suck it up!
#34 “Hardcore Pawn,” Believe it or not there are a heap of people out there willing to sit on their numb bums and watch this dysfunctional family bitch and moan the entire show except when they are bitching and moaning with their, so-called, customers.
“Sons of Guns” is #35 – I threw this one in for my gun loving buddies.
“American Pickers” is #37- Can be, at times, interesting and, many times, boring as hell.
“The Voice” is #45 for those of you who enjoy it.
For you lovers of big trucks and tow trucks, I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that Lizard Lick Towing is #52. If you think this show is for real, please don’t tell anybody. Your wife can save pertinent information like this and, one day, when she gets “Really, Really” tired of you and begins to see the “Real” you, this will help her immeasurably in having you committed. I know because I fell in love with Sonia on “Operation Repo” and I caught Katie Mae making notes about my viewing habits. I think she’s building a case against me. A real let down for me was learning “Lizard Lick Towing” is #52 and my Sonia’s show was only #161.
Don’t give up. There’s more but it also gets more and more disappointing to people who love their “Real” high on a scale of, “Unreal.”
“Hoarders,” is #77. If you like “Hoarders,” you are undoubtedly living a super miserable life and you are way down in the reality trenches. Things will soon be looking up for you….because that’s the only place you can go from watching “Hoarders.”
For you swamp boys and fleshy headed ax men it’s getting worse, or better, as the case may be. “Gator Boys” is #51; “Ax Men” is #59; “Dog the Bounty Hunter” is #64; “Swamp People” is #115; “Doomsday Preppers” is #173 and poor old “Bering Sea Gold, Under the Ice” is way down at #312. I think we should be able to go ahead and bomb the “Doomsday Preppers” off the face of the earth and we won’t have to worry about them taking up valuable network time any more. Hell, it won’t come as a surprise to them. They’ve been expecting it! They should be ready for it by now.
I saved #4 “Duck Dynasty” until last for a particular reason. I have a lot of friends and relatives who like “Duck Dynasty” and I think I know why. We all wish we could support half a dozen families or more while tubing in a pond out back or wandering around at night gigging poor defenseless frogs (maybe not you gals) or all piling into a motor home and riding down the road to get a hot dog or some ice cream without ever worrying about who’s minding the store. This is so freaking unreal it’s pathetic. Have you ever seen them make a duck call from start to finish? Have you ever seen any of them actually producing even a small box of duck calls? Have they ever gone out to a big lake and called in some ducks. I have not watched all their shows but I can bet, and probably win the bet, that the answer to all my questions is a big, resounding, “No!”
So why do we love them? It’s because we are all from the South. I’m pretty sure I was in the fourth grade at Mulberry School in Albany, Georgia with Phil and Si Robertson back in 1951. Phil and Si had those long gray beards in the fourth grade. I had a crush on a girl that looked like Jase. She also had a long beard in the fourth grade. We had a fourth grade teacher who could have been Willie’s twin sister only her beard was a little lighter and a little longer.
Those guys are funny to us because we grew up with them. They have always been crazy as hell and nothing has changed them in all these years. Their lines are not usually that funny. That deadpan delivery makes them laughable. They’ll never change.
Our old Junior High School principal, Mr. Paul Robertson, was some kin to those boys. He broke the mold by learning to talk good English. He went on to become an educator. I don’t believe he ever made any duck calls but if he had, they would have been good’uns and he never slacked work like those Louisiana guys.
The only one that has got a damned lick of walking around sense is Miss Kay and those boys better take good care of her because they’ll be lost without her.
They’ll be just about as lost as I get when I start to wondering what ever happened to the television networks that gave us such good entertainment in the past. Where are our channels: National Geographic, The Discovery Channel, A&E and the History Channels? I’ll tell you where they are. They are all showing this same gibberish that makes us even dumber than we were when we were at Mulberry Street School in the fourth grade.
Boy, if we could resurrect folks like Mr. Paul Robertson. Mr. Rob had a duck dynasty too. He could royally burn your ass if you didn’t keep your ducks in a row.