You Smile More When You’re Pullin’ Oil

Oil Pulling 2

Swishing coconut oil around in your mouth for health reasons might be okay but be especially careful if you are old and have any loose teeth. You could pull those old loose teeth slap out of your sassy mouth.

Oil Pulling 3

Some people prefer sesame seed oil when they are pulling oil. They claim it makes their breath fresher, their mouths feel cleaner and they use sea salt water to rinse which even further enhances the effects of the oil pulling.

 

 

 

 

 

If you haven’t pulled oil then you don’t know what you’re missing. As a matter of fact you might not care about what you’re missing, but one of the beauties of using coconut oil to cleanse your mouth and teeth and to cure a host of ills, or so they say, is if you decide you are not suited to be this healthy, you can always use the oil for cooking.

Pulling oil has been a tradition in India for thousands of years but before I practice this for very long I’m going to start checking out Indians in convenience stores and food marts and hotels just to be sure they have pretty good looking teeth. I’d hate to think I took up another ritualistic routine that doesn’t do much for me.

It’s said to cut through plaque on your teeth and to remove toxins.One half the fats in coconut oil are antimicrobial. It can kill strep bacteria, viruses and fungi. It clears up acne and reduces skin rashes by destroying bacteria in your body. This stuff will whiten your teeth, improve gum health and eliminate bad breath. It gives you a beautiful smile.

Removing bacteria and toxins eliminates stress and improves energy. Stress can often lead to skin problems. It gets better all the time. They even claim it will help you with your headaches, asthma, arthritis and diabetes.

One gal even said she gets up in the morning and pulls oil while she’s getting ready for work. She helps pass the time by humming a little tune as she pulls oil.

I would not recommend you hum while you are pulling oil and never, never whistle while you are doing it. It makes a big mess.

I’m not too sure about humming either. Katie Mae and I have sworn off trying to pull oil at the same time. It’s too difficult to communicate with a mouth full of oil by making strange faces and grunting like chimps at each other. Besides, who’s left to answer the phone.

We tried humming as we swished (just one time) but when I hummed “I’ve Got the Rockin’ Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu.” we both got tickled and it took two days to clean up our bedroom.

I’m watching my behavior closely because while we were cleaning the bedroom I could hear her humming quietly in a far corner. As I eased over to where she was working I could hear the faint strains of, “Hit The Road Jack.”

I have not totally decided to stop my pulling oil ritual but I just checked the life expectancy in India and I found it is 65.48 years. I’m already 72.50 years and I might even live to be 75 if I don’t make her mad again.

Oil Pulling

Coconut oil for oil pulling is usually in the form of organic extra virgin cold pressed oil. It will melt in your mouth but please do do not try to whistle a happy tune while you’re pulling oil.

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Can Reality Get Any Less Real?

Night Cruise

What can be more romantic than an evening cruise in technicolor?

Virtual Balcony 2

The virtual balcony with the virtual banister to keep you virtually safe in case you think you might virtually fall out of the window into the sea.

 

 

 

 

 

It gets better all the time. Royal Caribbean is introducing a high-tech virtual balcony on interior staterooms that have no outside view. These unreal balconies are high definition screens that portray actual scenes outside the ship in real time.You don’t need a porthole or veranda to see what’s going on out there at any time of day.

These HD 80″ displays even have the real sound of of whatever happens to rock the boat outside and just in case you have a fear of falling this thing is designed with a realistic looking (but unreal) banister across the center of the screen to make you feel safe, warm and fuzzy. They’ve even got super GPS data and sophisticated sun movement charts to create differing shadow lengths on the banister throughout the passing day.

A visual perception of the motion of the ocean when there is no physical feeling of the ocean’s movement can make you woozy so there is virtually no delay between the camera feed and the screen display to keep you calm and happy.

But then, why go on a cruise? You can pick up all kinds of maladies cruising around the seven seas on those big gorgeous, filthy, unclean tubs of deadly bacterial infections. People are catching their death of the flu and God only knows what other illnesses by hanging out in a stateroom that has not been properly cleaned. I’ll bet those comforters have not been thoroughly washed in months and because of this inattention to cleanliness some people are literally dying to get off the boat.

And what do you think the last madly-in-love, newlywed, crazy-for-each-other couple were doing on those poor old bed covers. You were young once upon a time. You know what’s been going on in those sinful staterooms. In the heat of the great moment on a romantic cruise would you wait to politely turn down the comforter or would you simply take the true lover’s leap of faith and pray somebody had washed that cover?

I think I have convinced Katie Mae that my next idea is best of all especially for older couples who have weakened immune systems and who should not dare to expose themselves to vile bacterial horrors.

I say all we have to do is borrow this same technology and put those big screens on the inside walls of our house. We can dial up the location, day and time of anywhere in the world our feeble hearts and minds want to be and still step outside the room at noon for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I think I want my screens filled with lovely (mature) women frolicking on the beautiful sugar white beaches of the wonderful Gulf Coast. I don’t want to go too far from home. That was just a fleeting thought. It flew away when Katie Mae proof read this for me.

She agreed that I need big screen excitement but she saw the subject matter a bit differently.

My problem is she wants my big movie screens filled with cowboy and Indian images and I’ll be the Indian taking multi-shots of .44 slugs in the buttocks from John Wayne’s blazing six-shooters. Or:

She wants my big screens filled with scenes from the floor of the Roman Coliseum with all the fanfare and trumpets blaring away as the big cat cages are opened and the lions trot out to dine on the Christians standing out in the open. She wants me to be an “Outstanding Christian.”

Virtual Balcony

Another picture of the virtual balcony. Isn’t it charming?

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The Bra That Keeps on Giving

True-love-bra1

This is “The True Love Tester Bra.” I suspect that little electronic looking light right there in the front and center is designed to zap you from about forty feet away if you are into leering at well endowed women. You have been warned!

Bra by Japanese

I thought this was the backside of the other picture but I can’t be sure because why would you need a clasp in the back if all you have to do is make her nostrils flare just one good time and the thing will fly loose in the front?

 

I Don’t know why so-called red-blooded American boys spend so much time watching bigger faster boys chase various shapes and sizes of sports balls up and down a big rectangle or golf course when they could easily avail themselves of wonderful news articles like this one I recently found.

This is all about the True Love Tester Bra. A Japanese company has invented this bra. A woman’s heart rate, hormones and nervous system can be monitored by use of a mobile phone app and once all these signals synchronize and join forces as a great boost of excitement in the woman, the clasp will release itself.

The front clasp glows pink when the woman is in love with someone near her. I guess if she is unsure she can take her shirt off and take a closer look at the clasp.

No need to worry Mom. Jogging, shopping, eating spicy food or watching a horror movie will not make the bra release. It has to be “True Love.” One problem is the cups were designed by men and everybody knows that men no nothing about a woman’s body. So be careful because when the cups pop open I understand it’s with a real bang.

Since I am almost in the “about as old as you can get” generation I like to try to be protective of my older friends. I want to warn older women to avoid this piece of apparel at all costs. I can just see one of my more buxom older lady friends having a terrible accident while wearing this bra.

If she goes down on an escalator and passes a good looking guy going up the bra might accidentally pop open and the resulting avalanche of abundant bosom might throw her face first down the moving stairway.

She could possibly bounce for thirty minutes before security personnel could grab her and handcuff her to a door handle.

No need to worry Mom. The Japanese company, Ravijour, holding the patent had the bra designed as an advertising ploy and you probably will never see such a crazy item on the market.

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The Athens Polar Bear Plungefest – Where Were You?

These young women would have you believe they are happy. I personally believe freezing off important and much needed body parts is not truly a pursuit of happiness.

Polar Bear Plunge 2

He is either screaming in pain because he is losing fingers, toes and other digits (like his nose) to the cold or he is praying to the good Lord for relief from his pain. Either way the boy is hurting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Athens, Georgia holds a high place of honor among those communities that continually organize fund raisers for charity and so many needy causes. Hardly a day goes by that Athens people are not engaged in efforts to help those who are less fortunate than those of us who are the more lucky ones.

This past Saturday about 150 of these wonderful people went out to Lake Chapman at Sandy Creek Park and there, in all stages of dress and undress, they leaped into frigid waters and raised over $10,000.00 for charity.

I have always admired people who have so much energy and who express a wonderful depth of altruistic feeling for their fellow man.

I tried to get Katie Mae to go out there with me so I could show support for these wonderful volunteers but like me Katie Mae is a creature of comfort.

I explained the Plungefest folks offer you three varying degrees of participation when plunging, or maybe, not exactly plunging, into the freezing water.

You can take the big plunge by yourself by jumping all the way in.  You can plunge in with a group if you are a great “Misery loves company,” believer. I preferred the Benjamin P. and Katie Mae Swilley method of contributing. It is called the, “Chicken Dip.” You just dip a toe in and that’s it.

Katie Mae told me to forget it (chicken dip or not) and if I didn’t forget it she would help me forget it. She said she would rather spend the rest of her life in prison for killing me rather than go out there and slip even one tiny pinkie in that cold water.

So, you see, Polar Bear Plungers, I tried my best to join you and offer my support to you but since life is still beautiful and I enjoy breathing so much I did not argue with her. I went out on the back deck and tipped my hat to you brave, noble gals and guys.

Believe me, I made it a quick tip.

It was cold on that deck.

Polar Bear on ice floe

This is the real deal. You don’t see any brave souls out there with this bad boy because playing in freezing cold water may only be harmful to you for a while, playing with Polar Bears is non-habit forming and the results are permanently damaging to you….all over.

Polar Bear Plunge

This is the only picture that is of the group in Athens and I stole it from The Athens Banner-Herald. These are really good people although the activity in which they are participating in no way speaks to their general sanity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Camp Kay Soap Making Class Failure report.

Soap1

Now you have got to admit that is a pretty large hole in the bar of soap. The photographs are the same bar of soap. I had a frightful scare when I thought the soap had attacked me.

Soap 3

This is the same bar of soap. There is little question you could drive a Mack Truck through the hole in this soap.

 

 

 

 

In every great success story there is always a failure or two and Camp Kay is no exception. It has now been over six months since Camp Kay last convened. I want you to understand that I am using the word ‘convene’ rather loosely because we convene at our convenience. Each day we convene sometime between 10:00 AM and 3:00 PM.

I’m bringing this up because I am beginning to suspect that our lax system of rules (generally speaking – the time we convene) may have contributed greatly to my present consternation over the poor quality of a good deal of the soap we made.

The soap I kept was made for me, myself, personally. It was made from twelve years accumulation of old soap I kept in a plastic Double Bubble, bubble gum pail. That’s another problem I seem to be having. My soap all smells like Double Bubble. I smell like Double Bubble, bubble gum and yesterday a four year old munchkin in Wal-Mart tried to bite a chunk out of my calf. I’m talking about a piece of my leg. Little American kids have really well developed teeth by the age of four.

All we did was melt the soap down and pour it into molds I made. For molds I used those plastic drawers you see in small hardware containers that have compartments where tinkerers and putterers keep their bolts, nuts, washers, loose screws and most of their addled brains.

My only problem was I had to make partitions in the drawers so I could have six ounce bars of soap instead of one pound bars which are more of a challenge to to take a bath with as you might guess. Did you ever drop a one pound bar of soap on your toes?

We poured the soap in the makeshift molds and I began to press the soap firmly into each compartment. I used a fairly small hors d’oeuvre knife to press the soap as hard as possible into the form.

After I did a couple I could tell Ken-Ken wanted my job so I let her do it because I was afraid she would fall asleep on her feet and topple over into a hot tub of soap. This was a big mistake on my part because Ken-Ken apparently fell asleep anyhow and she did not firmly press the soap into the molds. She left big air bubbles all in the soap, only you couldn’t tell it because the finished bars looked solid.

How do I know this? Well, yesterday I was using one of those bars of soap in the shower and my finger slipped into a big hole in the soap and then my finger came all the way through the soap and stabbed me in the eye. Note the photographs. I didn’t know what happened. I couldn’t see. I thought Norman Bates had jumped me in the shower and was trying to stab me in my eyes.

I started yelling and thrashing around and almost tore down the shower stall before Katie Mae came in the bathroom and told me to shut up. She never asks anymore if I have a problem. I’m afraid to confide too much in her because she’s tried to have me committed to a facility for the mentally unwell a couple of times already.

Later on I tried to explain why the soap attacked me and why I was yelling. I mentioned if Ken-Ken had pressed the melted soap more firmly into my wonderfully created molds I would not have such holy soap.

Katie Mae gives me a really disgusted look and said, “You are such an idiot. Ken-Ken did not help you finish that soap. You finished it by pushing the soap down with your fingers and do you want to know why you had air bubbles in the soap that YOU made?”

I don’t think I looked sheepish because I don’t know how to do that but I gamely stuck my head face-down under my arm and said, “Why?”

She said, ” Because you stopped using the hors d’oeuvre knife and you started using your bare fingers and your right hand has an exceptionally short finger on it ever since that bull dog bit it off back in 1976. That short finger left air pockets in all your soap.”

Well anyhow, I’m sorry if I accused you unjustly Ken-Ken but I still think if you had stayed awake longer you could have brought it to my attention that one finger is still much shorter than the others.

Red and Black Soap

Now this is more like it. This is the glycerine soap we made in red and black for UGA lovers. As you can see we thought using molds shaped like tiny purses and shoes (including flip flops) was clever.

Kensley and Caesar Dawgustus

This is Ken-Ken posing with Caesar Dawgustus in Athens. When Ken-Ken comes to Camp Kay in Athens she always gets to meet the best of the dogs.

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The Tift Park Terrors – Albany, Georgia – My Home Town –

Jim Fowler and Tiger

Jim Fowler who has played such an important role in bringing a wild life habitat to Chehaw State Park in Albany, Georgia

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Our old friend Nick Lewis who was so adept in dodging some of Albany’s finest when we would tempt them with our wild antics and they would chase us from Tift Park Zoo in Albany, Georgia

It was not until I had lived in other towns that I realized my home town had a zoo almost as good as those in the big cities. We can look back and thank the city fathers for having the foresight and for spending the money on an entertaining place for us to go after school or on the weekends. This was in the 1940’s and 50’s.

In later years Wild Kingdom’s Jim Fowler had a big hand in developing the zoo to the excellent wild animal habitat it is today. It has since moved out to the Chehaw Wild Animal Park and I hope the animals find it more pleasant there.

I said Fowler had a big hand because Fowler is a big man. He and his brothers were raised near Albany and his brother Bob was a much loved coach to us at Albany Junior High School and later at Albany High School. Bob was almost seven feet tall and weighed nearly 300 pounds. Bob’s hand was so big that the thought of taking a lick on your thin shanks from that large ham of a hand kept many of us in check and most of us needed to be kept in check.

Tift Park was situated between 5th Avenue on the south and 7th Avenue on the north with the east being bordered by Jefferson Street and the west side mostly made up of the Palmyra Road. Monroe Street ran south to north through the center of the park.

Between Monroe and Jefferson Streets the wild animals were caged. Not as much was known or thought of back then about the comfort of the animals so they were often housed in cramped and dirty, unhealthy quarters.

There were big cats, an elephant, a donkey, gators and turtles, monkeys on an island, monkeys in cages, a chimpanzee, baboons, snakes, otters, black swans, white swans and a number of large birds of prey.

As teenagers we cared little or nothing about the comfort of the animals. All we knew was we were bored and when we were bored we were trouble. We just thought we were trouble. Mostly we were in trouble. The most boring night of the week was Sunday night in the winter. We seemed to stay in more trouble on Sunday evenings in the winter than any other time.

Having said that we were bored you know I am going to tell you how we desperately fought the boredom and of course it has to do with the Tift Park Zoo. We always used the Dairy Bar on Slappey as a hangout. Since I always practiced angelic restraint 24/7 I’m sure it was Nicky Lewis and Terrell Cooper who hatched this hair-brained scheme to combat our doldrums.

We all climbed into one car. We drove over to the zoo but we did not park too close to the animals. We usually parked across Madison Street to the west in a residential area and walked from there to the zoo. Usually there were five or six of us and usually it was pitch black near the animals.

When we reached the cages we began to speak harshly to the animals. Naturally they began to speak harshly back to us. In no time the donkey would be braying to the extent it sounded like we were trying to rustle a bunch of broke-back mules. The elephant (her name was Laska) could speak more harshly than anybody except the two or three lions who really put on a show for the nearby neighbors.

At that point the night watchman would come scuttling down through the cages and start trying to yell at us above the din caused by the crazed beasts. We couldn’t hear him but we would wisely begin to trot off before the police arrived.

We knew the police were going to arrive because the watchman would call them and as soon as we saw the lights near the cages we would break into a full run. Since Monroe nearly bisected the park from south to north we would run across Monroe and into a large grassy area behind the teen center.

As we ran across that area and up a gently sloping hill to cross the Palmyra Road and then Madison Street, the police would have their patrol car spotlights on us. The lights would follow us all the way up the slope and across Madison but by the time the police drove up there to find us we would be gone.

We must have pulled this stupid prank four or five times before we got caught. I don’t think Terrell or Nicky or I got caught. They were too fast and I was a master of disguise. I was so skinny and ugly I could stand by a scrub oak tree and look like a dead limb.

On about the fourth or fifth Sunday night in a row we took some goofy kid with us who had no sense of direction. Instead of running back toward the parked car on the other side of Madison Street he ran in the opposite direction toward the river. The police caught him trying to find his way back to the car.

He later told us the cops had been great sports. They told him Sunday nights were slow for them too and they had been having as much fun chasing us as we were having trying to outrun them. They asked him to tell us they wanted us to stop because the night watchman at the zoo was an elderly one-armed man and they were afraid all the commotion we were creating might cause him to have a heart attack.

They said they were also afraid he might cause one of us to have a heart attack too if he became overly nervous and shot us in the chest with that double-barreled twelve gauge sawed-off shotgun he kept in his little shack.

We never went back … at night.

gators zoo

The Gator Pool at Tift Park Zoo in Albany, Georgia. Apparently this was taken during a drought.

Monkey Island

The monkey island, Tift Park Zoo, Albany, Georgia. There were many more monkeys there at the time this photograph was taken. The others were all camera shy.

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Elephant Best Shot

Laska the lonely elephant. She was the only elephant at the old Tift Park Zoo in Albany, Georgia for many years.