It’s good to be an old geezer because you can always plead ignorance about new things that people are doing and gabbing about and it’s so easy to plead ignorance if you are ignorant.
It’s, however, hard to ignore that in this beautiful month of October, All Hallows’ Eve looms frightfully close and as the big evening draws near people are actually shelling out money for pumpkin shells and even worse they are offering up good cash to go get lost in a cornfield.
I can’t imagine getting lost in a maze in a cornfield could be much fun unless you are pretty young and your brain is still not fully developed. I imagine that would have been much more fun in the dark when we were kids with those old weak flashlights we were subjected to using years ago. It was like walking around outside with a small candle in a big wind. Nowadays, if you get to walk in a dark cornfield maze with a pretty girl it can’t be anything but fun. I haven’t gotten that stupid yet.
There are several cornfield maze enterprises around Athens and for ten to twelve bucks, you can get lost in a five to ten acre field that has been cut and mowed in such a manner as to totally confuse people like me. I wonder how many people the maze operators have to go in and rescue every day.
Katie Mae won’t let me try to venture into a corn maze because she says my ten bucks won’t go far after they charge me for going in and finding me five or six times.
This is serious business. One fellow here draws out his own maze and he says it’s designed to be family friendly. He is even quoted as saying, “The maze lasts about 30 to 45 minutes to get through. We don’t want parents to be in there too long with their kids.” That is especially nice of him to be so considerate of the poor little children who might tire and become frightened but I suspect he just doesn’t want to explain to the police why so many irritable parents have been accused of attacking their children on his property.
There are also the big operators who bring in folks who use GPS tracking systems to map out a maze. Some of those people charge $10,000.00 or more to design a maze this way.
Go out and try it. You may love it. You might want to put one in your back yard. Start out small at first. If you are pretty old be sure you leave escape doors so you can reach water and a bathroom in a hurry. That’s a pretty good idea. Design one for old folks. You need one you can conquer in less than three minutes. Anything longer than that and you’ll perish from thirst or wet your pants and the neighbors will be complaining about all those colorful words the kids have been hearing coming from your backyard.
Did I say $10,000.00? My gosh, there must be a heap of money to be made in losing folks in a corn field. When I was a kid growing up in the country we did it for free. We lost my cousin Angus Albritton in a corn field in 1957 and he has never been seen since. It seems to have worked out all right though. Nobody ever asked about him.