Try a Tomato Royale or a Bull Run for Halloween.

Great-Bull-Run5Since it’s pretty obvious that most folks do not follow the news anymore and a heap of folks cannot even read, I find I am duty bound to tell you there are actually people in Georgia who will pay cash to be chased by 1,200 pound bulls through a confined space for a quarter of a mile. This is done for a thrill.

I thought Halloween was going to bring on more thrills than most people could bargain for with all those corn mazes and haunted houses springing up like weeds throughout the state but I was wrong. Corn mazes and haunted houses are old hat and apparently not so thrilling anymore.

You would think that most people clearly understand Spain is a relatively small country and hundreds of years of inbreeding has led many of the Spanish people down the path to the sheer idiocy of allowing monstrous sized cows with large hooves and long sharp horns to pursue them through narrow streets until they reach a big circular enclosure they pour out into and thus are saved by additional space where they can run and hide. This is the bull fighting arena and here they later have the opportunity to get the bulls back by killing them and cutting off their ears and tails to prove they won.

But no, we have our own brand of not so smart people right here in Georgia and I certainly hope they all are concentrated around Conyers where the event was held. I also hope they don’t venture towards Athens where I live because I hate the thought I might be walking the same street as some of these nuts at the same time of day. I think it is too late to engage in buttock-destroying behavior such as this except for maybe one more event to be held in Texas this year, thank God.

The Georgia event is over. Only one person was stomped pretty good and I wonder if he is now thinking that he pretty well deserved to be trampled by a big bull. You reckon how many people don’t have a clear idea of the speed a large animal can attain when it has four legs as opposed to two and those four legs have bigger stronger muscles? And, to top the insanity off in proper butt-stomping fashion, there were 24 bulls, not just one or two or ten. There were two dozen of them.

You have to pay $40 to $75 to enter depending on how soon you decide you want to buy a ticket to get slaughtered by an animal we usually slaughter for our supper. For your money, you get free parking and a t-shirt and a bandana and a free beer if you’re over 21. That’s right, there are people over 21 engaging in this less-than-smart suicidal activity.

My suggestion is for your entry fee you get large bandages packed in big department store bags. You get a smaller envelop with phone numbers of EMT and ambulance services and doctors who might accidentally be sympathetic enough to want to patch up all those additional holes left in you by the bull. And remember, the bull isn’t even angry with you. You just happened of your own silly accord to get in his way.

Be sure you do not call a doctor with a Spanish name. Remember he or she probably left Spain to come here.

If you are less engrossed with harming yourself but you still have a masochistic streak and you want someone else to do it for you, you can sign up for the Tomato Royale. The Tomato Royale is simply and old fashioned food fight with tomatoes.

There are a few rules to this food fight that are meant to protect you but don’t count on people throwing tomatoes at you to have your well-being and safety and best interests in mind. You have to wear goggles and you must not aim for the head (Ha Ha). You have got to be over 14 and you cannot have a free beer unless you are at least 21.

This too, is all meant in the spirit of good clean fun. I gave up food fights with tomatoes in a Doerun, Georgia tomato patch in 1953. It was at exactly the same time my older brother began using green tomatoes.

He also quit at that time. He quit moments after I chose to use fist-sized field stones.

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