The Kensley Report #11

The Kensley Report XI – To Kim Cooper Brooks from Ken Ken – Today was a great day for volunteering. I worked five hours helping Miss Christina, the gift shop manager, mark down the prices on lots of merchandise and doing an inventory of some of the items. They are going to reduce the inventory and some of the price mark-downs I did were as much as 75% off the original price.  I heard the ladies in the gift shop mention the inventory needed to be reduced, so to help them out more, I went ahead and marked down everything I could get my hands on. Miss Christina is going to be so happy and proud of me for helping her to empty the place.
Uncle Ben said he could have helped by going around the hospital and giving the stuffed animals and teddy bears to the nurses. Aunt Kay said we were being too helpful and maybe it would be a good idea if I didn’t mention to Miss Christina that I got carried away marking everything down.

They have Jim Shore and Willow Tree merchandise in the shop. Uncle Ben wanted to know what Willow Tree manufactured and Aunt Kay and I told him they make lovely little figurines of angels and people in different situations and the figurines had no faces. He said it was bad luck to make little statues with no faces. He said,” I just don’t get a true sense of fulfillment if the thing has no face. It reminds me of when I was in high school and I never could get a date. The girls I asked to go out would always give me blank looks” He also said there is no way to tell if a figurine is lovely if it has no face. The little gal statuette might have a pretty good figure but she could look like a walrus in the face, if she had one you could see.

Aunt Kay and Uncle Ben left me in the gift shop and went grocery shopping. He hates it because he says most men can walk right in, buy what they want and go on home but a woman has to read every word on every label of every item she sees. He asked Aunt Kay if the wording had changed on any of those labels since last week and if it had he would speak to the manager about it for her if that would speed up the process any.

She said he is a real pain to go shopping with. He talks to everybody about any subject in the world. He saw a woman on her knees today trying to get a can off the bottom shelf and when she finally managed to stand up again he complimented her on her ability to get vertical without screaming. He said, ”Hey, that was great. I would still be down there tomorrow if I had to do that. I did hear your knees and hips popping a little bit but you made it!” Aunt Kay said the woman gave him a very cold smile.

Uncle Ben loves the little white dog in the Travelers Insurance TV commercials and he will start singing “Trouble” in the aisles of the grocery store. He sings really loud if he is in an aisle by himself and when he rounds the corner into another aisle with people in it, he acts as if nothing has happened and he was not the person making that racket. Aunt Kay tries to control him but he will sometimes stand at the end of one aisle and yell to her, “Kay! You want some more of that Tube Rose snuff this week? You’re about out of it.” Now his dog is in another commercial and the dog has got Uncle Ben walking around singing to Aunt Kay, “Oh, I’ve been good, I’ve been good, I’ve been good to you!”

Tomorrow, Aunt Kay and I work our regular shift in the gift shop and I get to see Aunt Kay’s Statesboro mothers, Miss Edith and Miss Moena. They volunteer at the front desk and they are very active. I say that because Miss Edith is 89 and Miss Moena is 90. Although they have a little age on them Uncle Ben doesn’t cut them any slack. Sometimes after our morning shift ends and we are all walking to the cafeteria, Uncle Ben, will say, “You girls are going to have to pick up the pace a little, I have to be home by Thursday“ or he’ll say, “You ladies need to slow down a bit before I have to get the fire hose out to keep y’all from burning up this floor.”