When Did Clementines become “Cuties”

I’m pretty upset with people who are constantly changing our words and adding new words and abbreviating the hell out of every good word we ever had. Nowadays it is not politically correct to cuss but don’t worry if you tend to become blasphemous. These so called wordsmiths will take a long line of beautifully strung together cuss words and change them into one long acronym that totally destroys the effectiveness of the curse you just used to mentally flog an imagined enemy.

It will come out like, “GYMDNFSGASESOSB,” and that wouldn’t scare a small child, much less a 93 year old grandmotherly antagonist. It really makes me so mad because this word changing foolishness can kill an old guy. It’s enormously dangerous to our health.

You will say that I am over reacting to something that isn’t a big problem but let me tell you how this stupidity can cost you your life.

Katie Mae gave me a short grocery list on Wednesday. Wednesday was the day the big storms wiped out parts of North Georgia. Luckily we are a little south of where all the bad weather was hammering towns like Blairsville but I left early for the store because of the impending bad weather and I was a little rushed to keep from getting caught by wind and rain if it came our way.

We had to have fruit. We have become convinced fruit will melt the excess lard from our less than svelte frames. We honestly believe some bright day we will once again be able to see our feet when we are standing.

So I took a quick trip down to Wal-Mart. Katie Mae had Cuties on her list of fruit. I did not know that Clementines were now called Cuties. We live in Athens so with Cuties at the top of my list it was fairly easy to pick up three UGA coeds. They were so cute. I thought it was too bad I couldn’t show them off in a red and black convertible. Katie Mae did not think they were cute. As protection I had kept the grocery list just in case there was a misunderstanding but it didn’t help at all.

I’m glad it was a short list because by the time I dug it out of my right nostril I had a terrible time getting those Cuties back to Wal-Mart. It was hard to see with so many tears in my eyes. I’d like to think I was sad and crying because I had to give up the girls. I suspect the real reason for the tears was severe spousal nostril abuse.

I cannot begin to tell you how cold, wet and windy it was trying to sleep on the deck Wednesday night during the storm. I was also harshly warned that getting that bed sheet dirty would mean real trouble.

I wonder if UGA has any free classes for old geezers who desperately need to learn new words and acronyms. I wonder if they know Clementines are called Cuties these days.


2 thoughts on “When Did Clementines become “Cuties”

    • Older women sometimes grab me by the elbow in the produce section of Wal-Mart and they try to explain the facts of life to me. For some reason I still look as confused and lost as I did when I was 13. Anyhow I must have been complaining about not understanding why Clementines were being called Cuties nowadays and she said it was a marketing ploy so more of the fruit could be sold to mothers with young children. Cuties is a more attractive name to kids than Clementines. It might make sense. We would probably have changed the name to, “Oh My Darlin’s,” and that’s old, outdated and not attractive at all. God bless us all!

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