The Kensley Report #5 – 2012

The Kensley Report V – To Kim Cooper Brooks from Ken Ken. Today was a great day for me as one of America’s indefatigable volunteers. Aunt Kay and I took the gift shop at East Georgia Regional hospital by storm. We had the keyboard on the cash register so hot they had to call in a triage team to water it down. Uncle Ben had warned me about eating all the candy in the shop so I just concentrated on the job at hand and waited until lunch time before I cleaned the cafeteria out of fried chicken and Dr. Pepper. I had on my sharp new khaki long legged britches, a red youth volunteer knit shirt (they gave me, I think) and an official badge (they gave me, I know, because it has my picture on it) to show folks I was on top of things.

We had to stock the cooler with a shipment of flowers that came in and I got my head stuck in the sliding glass door but Aunt Kay was quick and she put her foot up on the cooler for leverage and snatched me out by my legs. My head got scratched up a little bit, my hair was all tangled and I still have about five pounds of pollen up my nose but I’m okay.

Aunt Kay had told me that sometimes strange people come in the gift shop and share weird stories about their lives with her and often they tell her a lot more than she wants to know. She wanted to be sure I didn’t get scared so I was pretty cool for a while but it did shock me more than a little bit when an old woman came in. She said she had a collie with fourteen puppies and the mama dog didn’t have but 13 teats. I didn’t know what to say so i just eased around the counter and high-tailed it to the back room. Aunt Kay sold her 14 Auburn binkies for the price of a dozen just to get rid of her.

Later when I told Uncle Ben about her, he said “any damned fool knows a dog doesn’t have that many nipples and if she’s too dumb to count them she shouldn’t be breeding dogs.