Zip, the Lovelorn Tortoise, Sprints For His Freedom.

Zip the Tortoise

Zip the Tortoise as seen in captivity somewhere near Carlton, Georgia. Photograph and whereabouts cannot be verified as it was found crumpled in the back pocket of denims worn by a small skink who reportedly escaped this same enclosure on a miniature skate board.

This is Zip. Zip is an African Tortoise who lives somewhere near Carlton, Georgia. You cannot possibly be any more surprised than he is that he’s in North Georgia. He doesn’t know how he got there and he doesn’t understand why. His owners insist on keeping him penned up in a hog-wire enclosure as a captive far from his homeland, The African Sahara Desert.

Zip weighs fifty pounds and he has made international news by means of a simple escape from the flimsy enclosure that

has robbed him of his freedom for some time now. The Associated Press has documented his escape and recent capture. News people really have their priorities convoluted these days. They are spreading the news all over the world about poor old Zip making a break for it but there is hardly a peep out of them about the reason for his daring flight.

I will tell you. It is all about love and news hawks do not understand old-fashioned love. Zip needs love. Zip is lonely. It is lovers’ season in the Sahara and Zip is stuck in the North Georgia hills trapped behind pig wire. There is no question that in today’s narcissistic atmosphere we are going to have to fight for true love. We must campaign for Zip’s freedom.

First we have to find him. He is said to be near Carlton, Georgia. we may never find Carlton, Georgia. They say over 250 people live in Carlton and we know about North Georgia people and firearms. Carlton residents own 800 guns. I think freeing Zip will cost us dearly in limb and life in a frontal attack.

It’s really serious business when you stop reptiles from doing what comes naturally. You are trying to change the course of nature. I’ll bet they wouldn’t like it one bit in Carlton, Georgia if Zip changed their town into a desert.

The part I love about Zip’s story is the rapidity and extraordinary agility he displayed in making good the break out. He shrewdly chose Friday the 13th as the day to go. Everybody is consumed with fears of voodoo spells, superstitions and half-hashed poppycock that is said to occur on Friday the 13th.

Nobody, in the midst of all those warped beliefs in the supernatural would ever dream the Zipster would run at full tilt and body slam the hog-wire fence. By the time the break in the fence was discovered, Zip was long-gone.

I use the phrase long-gone very loosely as you might imagine because, after all, this dude is a tortoise. He was on the run for nearly a full week before he was discovered just a half-mile from the house. He was really moving on.

He would have made good his escape but the poor guy had to cross a road and almost got a permanent spot in the nearby tortoise cemetery when a log truck had to swerve in the road to miss him.

As luck would have it, a female driver saw the truck swerve around him. She thought Zip was a bag of garbage in the road but there was a hint of something different about this particular trash bag. It had legs. It was moving.

I would like to believe that had she known this was all about love she would not have been so quick to call 911. The police arrived and they were quoted as saying he didn’t budge an inch once they got there.

I guess not. My gosh, the guy had been running flat out for almost seven days and he had managed to put a whole half-mile between him and his pen. As they say in the North Georgia hills, “He was flat wore out man.” He went all out for love and he lost.

The owner’s wife (Zip’s adopted mother) was really concerned about Zip getting hit by a car but she was even more concerned some of the locals might have made a stew known as turtle mull out of old Zip. I’ll bet turtle mull made from a fifty pound tortoise will last you through a couple of winters.

That’s pretty much it unless some of you want to get together and rescue Zip. My problem with a rescue is how are we going to tell him we are there to help him escape? He might think a bunch of nuts with a taste for tortoise mull stew are sneaking up on him and I think he has a pretty good bite. I saw his mouth in that picture.

I did get a chance to talk to the lady that spotted him and called 911. I wanted to know why she didn’t just bump him into the far ditch with her car so he could continue on his trek. She said she was afraid to get to close to him because she was driving one of those little Smart cars and Zip kept staring at it, licking the bumper and drooling on the tires.

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