The Tom Ross, A.A.A.D.D. Detection System

It’s finally catching up with us. We thought we could last forever but we were wrong. They say the first thing to go is your plumbing but just read these notes from our old friend Tom Ross. Tom is a retired barrister and now lives out near the North Carolina coast. The rankest of amateurs can follow these few simple symptoms that Tom describes and successfully self-diagnose the degree of memory loss suffered. Since he first wrote these notes Tom’s lovely wife Diane keeps him chained to a post on the front porch.

If he had this problem back when he led our fearless Albany (Georgia) High School football warriors to a state championship in 1959 we would have been in sad shape. Anyhow read Tom’s notes and you decide if you think there is any help for him……or for any of us poor souls who have now fallen headlong into our seventies.

Tom Ross Says : "A.A.A.D.D. - KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!"
(Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder)          

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

I go to the garage and I notice mail on the porch table that I brought from the box earlier. I decide to check the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table. I notice that the can is full. I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye. They need water. I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.  I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

  I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and
suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. I set the remote on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I go down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: The car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter. The flowers don't have enough water, There is still only one check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm totally baffled because I know I was busy all day and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first        ..........I'll check my e-mail....

At least Ross knows where to find his e-mail. Mine disappeared into the icloud while I was looking for my car keys.

 

Old Folks – Raving and Body Surfing

Rave 3

This is a rave. Young people are raving. It takes little imagination and no brains to create or participate in a rave.

Rave

Here is another example of a rave. no matter how a rave looks, it takes the same amount of brains and creativeness to participate in the rave. A zero amount.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It has been known for sometime now that we all think we should be friends, buddies and pals with our children. We want to look like them, dress like them, act like them and  have all the fun they are having. We want to go to a rave with them even though we are old now and we do not have the physical ability to participate in a rave. This is a good thing because a few of us will actually need a brain at sometime in the future and it is well known that if you had a brain before you jumped into the rave you will not have your brain any more when you are bodily flung out of the rave.

In keeping with this line of thought, some organizers in England who were probably former rave arrangers decided to reach out to (obviously younger) people and meet them halfway on the road to sheer insanity by making an opera more excitable and more fun for them to attend. This seems to be a great idea since most younger folks would rather suffer through four hours of severe upper leg cramps (in both legs) than go to the opera.

They proposed making the opera more appealing by having the audience members stand and noisily cheer the performance rather than quietly semi-clapping their daintily gloved hands. This was based on their belief that a little more action from firing up the crowd would liven up the entire evening.

So they had Handel’s “Messiah” performed at England’s Bristol Old Vic Theatre.

When the performance moved to the stirring “Hallelujah Chorus,” a prominent and half-crazy theoretical chemist named David Glowacki became slightly unglued and attempted to crowd-surf in front of the stage. He said he could not control himself when they broke into the “Hallelujah Chorus.”

This is written as a warning to you older people who think you can fall-in with the younger nut-cases and “crowd-surf” your way through life.

I’m not sure if the fact that Dr.Glowacki’s being an expert in non-equilibrium molecular reaction dynamics had something to do with him evidently losing his equilibrium and flinging his body length-wise on the heads of unsuspecting swells of the upper class.

All I’m sure of is, crowd-surfing like a sixteen year old at a rave can get your fat fanny tossed out the stage door of England’s Bristol Old Vic in a royal heartbeat. It was not theoretical chemistry. It was literal ejection. Don’t let it happen to you.

Rave on…..in your bathroom and crowd-surf…..in your head.

Old Dude Surfing

This is crowd-surfing by an older man who is not in his right mind. When they get through with him he will wish he was in another body.

crowd surfing 2

This is crowd surfing by a younger man. He does not care whose mind or body he is in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Order From Amazon.com

This is a partially weird book. Left click on the picture. Amazon.com will show you how to buy this book and enjoy strange thrills vicariously. You will not have to risk your life in a rave or crowd-surfing. You can sit in your comfortable easy chair and dream of wild escapades as you read this thrilling book.