As a continuing service to maintain a healthy female population in the United States I have diligently ferreted out these mid-sized morsels of clues and tips to let you gals know how you are faring as you age. Naturally I only do this out of love for all of you because I want you to know how much I appreciate you loving, nourishing and caring for so many of us sorry no-good males for what must seem like endless years of turmoil and struggle.
Height – If you are over 5’2″ tall you may have missed out on a gene mutation that aids women in reaching one hundred years of age. They say it may help to quit smoking and cut back on your intake of alcohol and meat. They failed to mention that you might kick that guy out of the house if he is causing too much stress in your life. The idiot that wrote this article did not recognize the fact that most girls are grown up as much as they are going to grow up by their late teens nor did they mention a method to help young girls stop growing.
Finger Length – If your index finger is shorter than your ring finger you may be twice as prone to osteoarthritis in your knees. This is predominately a characteristic of some males and it may indicate you also have a lower level of estrogen. No mention was made of how you could get that ring finger shorter than your index finger. Maybe you could file the nail on the ring finger more vigorously. It also did not mention the length of the ring finger’s twin on the right hand. It did say you can exercise your knees. WOW! What an article. It could have at least brought you some joy by reminding you that your low estrogen level may make you fully capable of kicking the fanny of the guy causing you all that stress.
Leg Length – If you have stocky legs you need to pay attention to the health of your liver. Women with legs between 20 and 29 inches long tend to have higher levels of four enzymes that are liver disease indicators. Watch your alcohol intake and use a mask and gloves when using harsh chemical cleaners. We want to be sure you are a long liver. I just had to say that. You don’t want Mr. Stressful out living you.
Arm Length – Women with the shortest arm spans are one and a-half times more likely to develop Alzheimer’s. Arm spans (measure outspread arms, from fingertip to fingertip) of 60 inches or less is a good indicator. Keep your mind active. Challenge your brain. Show Mr. Stress Maker you can out-argue him. Short arm span isn’t all bad. A woman with Alzheimer’s and long arms who reaches for something in a high cabinet will forget what she’s reaching for before her hand gets to it. If you have a shorter arm you won’t have that problem.
Sense of Smell – If you are getting older and you no longer can identify the scent of bananas, lemons, cinnamon or other notable odoriferous items you may be five times more likely to develop Parkinson’s disease within four years. They say the olfactory function of the brain may be the first one impacted by Parkinson’s – between two and seven years prior to diagnosis. Use that old boy who stresses you out as a gauge. We know he’s retired now and he’s taking a bath about once a week or less. Don’t fuss at him. If you suddenly stop smelling him you might learn you’re on the road to Parkinson’s. Take fish oil supplements. It’s supposed to help. Not help your man’s odor but the encroachment of Parkinson’s.
I think it’s wise to follow little hints and clues like this just to keep up with the ongoing health problems that we are all facing. I just wouldn’t worry too much about one silly article in some magazine. These articles are written by professional writers in their twenties. They don’t know a thing about your health or your body. They read all this stuff in some obtuse report just like you and I did.
Besides how can some dunce tell you that you are five times more likely to get Parkinson’s or the indicators can reveal the disease between two and seven years before the actual diagnosis? It may be twelve times or two times or no times. It may be one year or thirteen years or no years.
And that’s what obtuse means ladies…..stupid or unintelligent.