On Using Your Chickens As Hearing Aids.

chicken and clock

I thought it was time to get up and crow. I never heard a peep out of this contraption.

crowing rooster

Did you hear me? Did you hear me? Did you hear me?

Chicken parts

 

 

 

 

I put that picture on the right because I felt sure you would think I was telling a lie about chicken ears. I have told a lie maybe twice or twelve times over the years about chicken teeth but chickens really do have ears and in coming years scientists who specialize in talking to chickens are likely to be a big help to people like me and you and Vic Miller because someone could ring the Liberty Bell a foot behind our backs and we would be at a loss if we had to describe what we just heard.

flying rooster

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? I’m talking to you.

Fuzzy Chicken

I can’t hear anything. I can’t see much either.

Rooster and chickens

Listen to me. Listen to me. You haven’t heard a word I’m saying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They say chickens have the amazing ability to restore their own hearing. I don’t know how they figured that out. Maybe these guys really do talk to chickens. I would think chickens would be sick and tired of hearing all those big brash bold cockerels making  that crowing noise-racket all the time and they would prefer to be hard of hearing.

There are supporting cells in the inner ears of all mammals (except vertebrates) that can replace hair cells that have been damaged by loud noises and other causes. You have got to have hair cells if you want to hear what’s going on.

deaf rooster

“You talking to me? Hey! are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?”

hen pecking rooster

I didn’t hear a word she said and now she’s trying to peck a hole in my leg.

It is estimated that it will take ten years for scientists to discover the secret to how a chickens ear regenerates new hair cells but I live with a woman and I know women are going to push this research way outside the envelope.

Katy Mae has already suggested Vic and I should join the research team and begin to talk to chickens right away. At first we only need four chickens. We will teach them to talk Southern dialect to us. Then we each put a chicken on our right shoulder and one on our left shoulder and we will soon be joining in the fun and laughter and witty joking that goes on with our crazy friends.

The chickens will tell us what’s being said by putting their ears next to our ears and sound will be amplified straight through one ear and out the other ear of the chicken and directly into our ear canals. We will be able to hear anything going on around us. It’s a miracle.  I have already picked names for my two chickens. I’m going to call them “Huh” and “What.”

I’m not so dumb as to think deaf women will accept the, “Chicken on the shoulder” as an immediate cure but the good news for women is mice can also replicate ear hair cells.

It will take very little effort and time to train mice to perch on a lady’s round earrings like small birds while allowing the woman the use of their little mouse ears just as the chickens will do for men.

The research is also supposed to cure tinnitus so we won’t have to put up with all those bells we’ve been hearing.

My only concern about the wisdom in this project is my old pal Bubba Jack Johnson. He has fallen upon hard times and he dearly loves fried chicken.  wild chicken

Chicken fence

If he says “Huh” to me one more time I’m going                               to snatch his big head through that fence.

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