Yo footbone is connected to yo headbone.

cow who moos shoes

My filled prescription for corrective shoes from the old people’s shoe store.

foot bones

There’s more than foot bones here but the podiatrist’s model of just the foot bones looks a lot like this to me. I think I see a couple of shoulder blades in there.

They’ve been telling me for three or four years that I am pre-diabetic. I just read that the ‘pre’ designation doesn’t mean a whole lot and if you’re diabetic you are diabetic ‘period.’  You may not know about the pros or cons of the ‘pre’ disagreement but I’ll bet you have heard that ‘period’ quote a lot lately, ‘period.’

Anyhow I have used those little strips for testing my blood sugar for years and they tell me that I am on the better side of the borderline when it comes to being diabetic.

Recently I cut my toenails and I did not do a pretty job. One reason is I’m so blind that I can’t see my toes. I cut too close to the outer edge on each corner of the big toe nails. Apparently a small amount of blood collected there and turned black. My dried blood, even that under the skin, has always been a lovely shade of burgamint as my secretary used to call it.

Black blood made me uneasy, being ‘pre-diabetic’ and all. I thought I might have a touch of gangrene and when you get gangrene I don’t think you can have the ‘pre’-gangrenous type. When you get it people in white coats with sharp pruning knives want to relieve you of toes and other much needed appendages. I was also having sharp pains in the ball of my right foot and I was beginning to suspect they might just want to take the whole foot off and if this stuff has spread they also would get the left foot as a bonus cut.

Well the guy with the model-of-the-bones-of-the-foot took a look at my toes and he said, ‘That’s dried blood.’ Wow, the first bullet was dodged in a flash. Almost but not quite a flash. I thought this guy was eventually going to name all those foot bones so I yawned and feigned sleep and almost fell off the examining table.

He steadied me and said, ‘Now let’s take a look at that sore spot on the bottom of your foot.’ I was sure this was a big ball of gangrene waiting to attack my right leg up to the groin but I was still winning at dodging bullets. He grabs that model of all those loose bones and points to one of the metatarsals and says, ‘It is not a growth it’s this bone right here that is driving you nuts. It would be perfectly okay but you walk like a Turkish goatherd who has never been on flat land.

He told me I was slew-footed, pigeon-toed, knock-kneed and extremely ugly. I didn’t care. I was superb at dodging bullets and that’s all that really mattered at the moment.

So how does all this prove yo foot bone is connected to yo head bone? It’s easy.Every time I took a step on the ball of that right foot my head told me my foot hurt. Now don’t try to tell me different. If my theory is no good then you think about this; why do your eyes water and your nose starts running when you stub your toe on a door jamb. Now how could that not happen if yo foot bone and yo head bone were not directly connected?

How to ruin your feet.

How to ruin your feet. Do not wear this type of shoe if you normally wear a size 12 in a man’s shoe.

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How to embarrass your feet

How to embarrass your feet….and the rest of your body. Do not wear these ever… or the shorts….ever.