I rarely have headaches. I’ve had a few lately. Moving from South Georgia to Athens, Georgia has not been kind to my sinuses but I’m saved by Facebook. Everybody knows if it is on Facebook, it has got to be true and it has got to work.
That’s I why spend part of my precious mornings drinking a honey/cinnamon concoction that is supposed to cure everything from arthritis to cancer to sniffles. It tastes pretty good but it looks like the stuff in the tin can my Grandma used for spitting her snuff in after she got through dipping and savoring it for an hour or so. Sorry girls, but that’s exactly what it looks like.
Having said that you will know I am brave, fearless and pretty stupid about things I will do to stop the pain and I have absolutely got to tell you about the great Facebook migraine headache cure.
I’m sure Facebook is not to blame. Some good friend (and I emphasize good) posted this headache cure on Facebook. You mix your own, naturally, and there are some places here where a misstep is fairly easy. The ingredients are simple and few. You take a half pineapple, one stalk of celery, a half cucumber, one fourth lemon and three to four Kale leaves.
I think the misstep part might have something to do with the size of the kale leaves. Katie Mae cut this all up and put it in the blender for me. During moments like this, I often catch her giving me casually critical glances and I sometimes believe that I am the only person who thinks of those looks as being casual.
I don’t know anything about kale but I thought the leaves we used were too big. Thank the Lord we didn’t use leaves from one of the varieties that gets to be seven feet tall!
Anyhow, after she popped all that stuff in a blender and juiced it up I can tell you it was a frightful sight to behold. It looked exactly like that bright green algae slime at the edges of the old fish pond in late July. It was a beautiful emerald green but it made me think of the moss dripping from “The Creature From the Black Lagoon.”
I’m not sure Katie Mae tried it but I guess she forced down a tiny sip. I drank about three or four ounces. Man what a taste bud delight! If you can imagine taking a mixture of fully matured lawn grasses like Bermudagrass, Ryegrass and Tall Fescue and add a little Bahiagrass for purely forage purposes, I think you would just about have the same taste of the junk I choked down.
I didn’t let Katie Mae see my face turn the same color as the Great Migraine Smoothie. It nearly floored me. I almost lost it. I had a vision of making a break for the bathroom so I could crawl to the commode, wrap my loving hands around it and call on Ralph and Hewitt to set me free.
Fortunately I regained control. I put a solid full twelve ounce glass of that fantastic creation in the refrigerator and later tried to convince Katie Mae that we could improve on the taste with a couple of ounces of Gray Goose vodka. I can’t tell all the things she said to me but I do remember the subject was about not wasting liquor and something else about pouring that crap out before it killed us. I got the impression she was angry.
This was four or five days ago and I swear to you I have not had the first headache. I still have a sensation in the pit of my stomach that reminds me of several tiny Flamenco dancers doing one of those foot stomping routines but I’m sure I’ll be better by July the fourth.
I took Katie Mae’s advice and poured it out before it killed us. It looked like it could do us harm sitting right there in the refrigerator. Maybe this is the way “The Blob” was born. I had this great idea. I took it outside and poured a little bit on each of a half a dozen fire ant beds.
It worked! I checked on the fire ant beds about an hour later and I could tell something bad was going on for them. My eyesight is not that good so I got a magnifying glass and went back out and sure enough each bed had a long line of ants streaming away from home. The larger ants were carrying little tiny suitcases.